REMAINING CHEERFUL

Okay, I've just about recovered now.

Recovered, from the stark reality that my favourite football team, Charlton Athletic, will no longer be playing Premiership football next year.

It's a painful and bitter pill to swallow - after seven-years in the top flight the mighty Addicks now face the tough task of trying to bounce straight back next year. It'll certainly be tough.

Anyway, when I need cheering up I usually go to one of my favourite comedians - this time I turned to comic genius Tommy Cooper.

Here's a few one liners to raise a chuckle:

Went to the paper shop - it had blown away
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
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I bought some HP sauce the other day. It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.
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Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
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A woman told her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor said, 'It's old age.' The woman said, 'I want a second opinion. 'The doctor says, 'OK. you're ugly as well.'
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'You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.'
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A man walked into the doctor's, The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time'
The man replied, 'I know I've been ill'
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A man walked into the doctor's, he said ' I've hurt my arm in several places'
The doctor said 'well don't go there any more'
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I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
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Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners
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'So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?'
And a voice said, 'You are.'
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'So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said ' Is that the local swimming baths?' He said ' It depends where you're calling from.'
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'I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind' ,
so he gave me a kite.'
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for ' flu.
So I went, and I got it.'
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I was in the attic the other day with the wife. Damp and dusty.........but she's great with the kids!
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'So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'